The Ultimate Evil
by Loselen Snowstar
Summary: The Teen Titans hire a Mary-Sue exterminating service. Just a short funny I wrote while I was bored. Enjoy!


I was bored. I scare myself sometimes.  
  
~~~~~  
  
The Ultimate Evil.  
  
By A Random Goddess  
  
The Ultimate Evil was here. Eviller than Slade. Eviller than Trigon. Eviller than Evil.  
  
It was... Mary-Sues. Yes, the Teen Titans Tower was infested with them, and their brothers, the Gary-Stus. There was no escape.  
  
"Well, what do we do about them?" Cyborg asked, "They're just-"  
  
He stopped and turned to stare as a Mary-Sue walked by.  
  
"Absolutely impossible to deal with?" Raven finished for him.  
  
Beast boy shook his head, "We've got to get rid of them."  
  
"But how do we get rid of them?" asked Starfire, "We cannot go near them without being affected."  
  
"I do not have any siblings!" Raven shouted as the forth Raven's-sister-sue that day walked by.  
  
"Maybe there's something in the yellow pages?" Robin suggested.  
  
"It couldn't hurt to look," Cyborg said, pulling a phone book out of a Mary- sue plot hole.  
  
Beast boy took the phone book from Cyborg, "Mary-sue... Mary-Sue... Found it! Mary-Sue, Gary-Stu, and avatar exterminating service!"  
  
Starfire looked at Robin strangely, "I thought that Raven was the only one who was psychic."  
  
"I was only joking," Robin replied, staring at the phone book, "I guess it's true that you can find any thing in there!"  
  
Raven was already on the phone, "Yes, we have a lot of them... That's reasonable... How soon can you be over? ... Good. See you soon."  
  
"When will they get here?" Beast boy asked.  
  
There was a knock on the door.  
  
"I believe that is them," said Starfire. She walked over to the door by way of a plot hole and opened it. Standing there were a boy and a girl.  
  
"Why do you have cat ears?" Starfire asked the girl, "And why do YOU have claws?"  
  
"Our aunt was a Mary-Sue," The girl replied.  
  
"It screwed up our genetics something fierce," continued the boy, "By the way, I'm Gavin."  
  
"And I'm Rowena. So, where are the 'Sues?"  
  
Raven pointed to the living room, "Take your pick."  
  
Rowena looked into the living room, "Oi! That's like something you'd see in the potterverse!"  
  
"You remember our rates?"  
  
"Yes," Robin answered, "Five dollars for each Sue killed."  
  
Gavin looked down at his checklist, "Kataana?"  
  
"Check."  
  
"Knives?"  
  
"Check."  
  
"Beacon of canon?"  
  
Rowena pulled out a DVD copy of the first season of Teen Titans, "Check."  
  
"Towel?"  
  
"Check."  
  
"Large Blunt object?"  
  
"Gasmasks and M-S proof suits?"  
  
"Check and Check. Is that all?"  
  
"Yep," Gavin grinned sadistically, "Let's go kick some Mary-Sue ass!"  
  
Rowena bopped Gavin on the head, "No swearing!"  
  
"I don't get you. You kill for a living, and you have problems with people swearing. You never swear yourself."  
  
"Just because you're my partner doesn't mean I can't kick your ass, baby brother. See, I swore! You happy now?"  
  
"Yes, and don't call me your baby brother! I'm only five minutes younger than you!"  
  
"Too, bad. Enough talk, LET'S GO!!"  
  
The Titans stood by the door, listening to the screams, maniacal laughter, and battle cries coming from the other room.  
  
Robin began banging his head against the wall, "Must"-bang-"Resist"-bang- "urge to"-bang-"Go in"-bang-"And help"-bang-"The Sues!"  
  
Beast boy stuck his fingers in his ears, "LALALA!!! I CAN'T HEAR THE SUES!! LALALA!!"  
  
Raven was beginning to repeat a new mantra, "They aren't my sisters, and they don't need my help. They aren't my sisters, and they don't need my help. They aren't my sisters, and they don't need my help."  
  
"No matter how cute they may be, they are evil," Starfire muttered to herself.  
  
Cyborg simply turned of his ears.  
  
***  
  
"Lunch break!" Rowena called, "Kill that one and come eat!"  
  
Gavin snapped the Mary-Sue's neck and walked over to Rowena, "Cold, leftover lasagna, my favorite."  
  
"Is that sarcasm? With you it's sort of hard to tell."  
  
"No! I really do love cold leftovers. How many so far?"  
  
"Twenty eight dead, two nearly so. Approximately fifteen more to go."  
  
"Forty-five," Gavin whistled, "That's a hell of a lot of Mary-Sues. I wonder why they never seem to notice each other."  
  
Rowena sighed, "The world may never know."  
  
Gavin gave her a tootsie roll pop.  
  
***  
  
"All right, they're all gone," Rowena said to the Titans a while later, "And we cleaned up."  
  
"That's forty-five at five bucks each comes out to..." Gavin punched in a few buttons on his calculator, "Two-hundred-twenty-five dollars."  
  
"Thank you," Rowena said as Robin handed her a check, "Remember to call us if you get any more Sues. The best way to prevent an infestation is to catch it early."  
  
"Call them?" Beast boy said as they left, "I'm putting them on speed dial!"  
  
"You go do that," Raven said as she returned to the book she had been reading before the Sues had come.  
  
***  
  
"Hi, mom!" Rowena called, "We're back!"  
  
"Good job!" Their mother called from the kitchen, "The Teen Titans continuum is clean, for now at least."  
  
"Great!" Gavin shouted, "Let's go to the mall, we've got two hundred twenty five bucks to spend!"  
  
"You CHARGED them?" Their mother yelled, "You weren't supposed to charge them!"  
  
"hehe... oops..."  
  
"Remind me to kill you later, Gavin," Rowena said as their mother launched into her speech about "Protecting the plot continuum is an honor and you are not to exploit the canon characters."  
  
"Don't worry," Gavin replied "I'll kill myself first." 


End file.
